Mom Offers The Perfect Technique For Parents Who Yell

by Jamie Kenney

TikTok

We’ve all been there. Our kids are doing annoying kid stuff. Not cleaning their rooms. Leaving their dishes next to the sink instead of in the sink. Not doing their homework. Leaving messes everywhere they go. And goodness knows we try. We use our gentle parenting voices. We take a breath. We try our best to treat them with thoughtfulness and respect. But at a certain point, it just becomes too much and we snap. We yell. And within 30 seconds to a minute, we feel absolutely awful about the fact that we yelled. But TikTok creator Destini Ann (@destini.ann), who talks a lot about parenting strategies, has a tidy way to address this common pitfall — “Five Words For Parents Who Yell” — and she dives right into it…

“Let me try that again,” she begins. “When we are stuck in these parenting cycles that we’re trying to get out of, your awareness might catch you doing the inappropriate behavior.

“But for some of us, that brings on shame and it kind of makes it even harder in the moment to stop. Get out of your head about ‘Oh my goodness, I can’t fix the moment.’ Guess what? You’re right! The moment has already passed. You yelled. ‘Let me try that again’ allows you to create another moment. So when you walk in the room and the clothes are beside the hamper instead of in the hamper and you start going off, when that signal pops in your head that you’re doing too much you can give yourself a redo!

“‘My bad. Let me try that again. Mommy’s doing too much. Let’s put the clothes in the hamper, OK?”

Did anyone else really need that today? Like… really super need it? What a gift to be reminded (or told for the first time) that we can do better right away and not just “next time.” And what a great way to model for our kids that they can do the same.

“Thank you! I feel so stuck and so guilty when I don’t keep it together,” says one commenter. “This is something I know I can do.”

“I love this approach, it allows reconnection with them and grace with ourselves because it’s OK to make mistakes and it’s important to show them that,” observes another.

“Needed this,” says a third. “The crazy thing is I’d never go into a workplace yelling at coworkers or being impatient. Why do I do it at home?”

Well, it’s probably the same reason our kids often kick up at home when we hear all about how conscientious and well behaved they are at school or daycare: you come home and you’re tired of holding it together. And in any case, we’re all human. We’re going to be less than perfect a lot of the time. But this is a nice reminder that even if we’re not perfect, we can still be better.